Have you ever had those days, weeks, years, whatever when you just feel down? I know you all know what I'm talking about. I have had one of those weeks. Nothing has gotten accomplished. The house is a mess. I turned in my first homework assignment LATE. I've cried a lot (most of the times I don't even know why). It's just been kind of gray in my heart.
I hate feeling this way, it's the worst. I have been struggling to understand why I can't have kids naturally. Most days I am positive about it and okay with it (to some extent) but not this week. I have been bleeding very badly again and was in bed for two days because I lost so much blood. It bloody sucked! This time, all I could think of was just ending this monthly torture, het a hysderectomy and find another way to have a child. In fact, my IVF doctor called me today and asked me how I was doing. I literally paused for a minute or so and said nothing. I wanted to just say, "let's do this, lets get this 'thing' out of me" but I couldn't do it! I just can't bring myself to take that step. Not yet. Hubs is out in the field and I have just missed him, missed crying on his shoulder, missed his optimism. I've just missed him a whole lot.
|Various shades of lip stick.|
I got to the bus stop, realized I didn't have change to pay for the bus ride so I told the driver, nevermind, I would walk. I plastered a red painted smile on my face and just walked...
This particular thought came to my mind...
|"It's up to you to find beauty in the ugliest days."|
Those who read my blog probably already know the I struggle with my self image. A lot. So I decided I'd take a picture of myself in my red lipstick and actually post it. Phew. So here are a few....
It's amazing how much better you feel when you shower, get dressed put on a little lipstick (even when you aren't going anywhere fancy) and face the outside world.
|Lipstick can't solve all problems, but it's a pretty great start.|
I hope you all have a terrific week.
What's your secret when your going through a dark time?