8/24/13

6 Ways to Improve Confidence

Hello Everyone!

I don't know about you, but I'm getting super excited for fall.
Fall Colors.
Caramel Apples.
Apple Beer or Apple Cidar.
Fall Smells.
Scarves.
I'm excited.

I wanted to talk to you today about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. You don't mind do you?

You ALL know how much I love shoes. Duh. I talk about it A LOT! When I put on a pair of my heels, I feel totally different. There is like the light switch that flicks in me. I feel sexy, happy, energized and more confident. All because of a pair of shoes.

Oh Confidence.

Confidence is something I have struggled with for SOOOOO LOOOONG. Some people don't believe this when they meet me but it's been a lifelong battle for me that will continue to be I fear. So I wanted to share some of my tips for developing confidence, do you guys mind?

I HAVE so much work to do in this area but I've also come such a long way! And some days are harder than others in the confidence department, it's something I have to concentrate on regularly. I'm so hard on myself and it's SO easy to start comparing yourself to other and feeling like you are not up to par. Ugh, it's so hard sometimes.

So here's my list of things to help confidence rise:

1. Fake it til' you make it! Sometimes you just don't feel good about yourself. Sometimes you look in the mirror or walk down the street and all you can think of is the weight you've gained, the zit on your face that's feels like the size of a house or the fact you just feel down, tired and worn out from life. Whatever it is, some days you just have to FAKE IT TIL' YOU MAKE IT! It's true. You have to plaster on a smile, lift your chin up and walk like you are the most confident, foxy woman (or man) in the world.
FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT


2. Don't rely on anyone else to make you feel pretty, it's all you! One of the biggest things I struggle with is needing validation. I hate that I feel like I need it, but it's reality. Especially when it comes to the person you date or marry, sure it's nice if they validate your beauty or give your confidence but it's totally up to you how you feel about yourself. I learned this lesson the hard way more than once. You have to love yourself first and foremost. I know you've heard it before, but I'm serious people. It wasn't until I was happy in my own skin, learned to love myself, gained confidence on my own that I found the man that was perfect for me. At that point I was just looking for someone who fit well with be not someone to complete me, because well, I already felt complete.

Karen Besonen: Tips for Confidence from a Girl who Understands
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT

3. Do that one thing that makes YOU feel sexy. This can be putting on some lipstick in your color of choice, throwing on those high heels, fixing your hair the best way you feel sexy, adding a little make-up (you would not believe how much of a difference just wearing mascara and lip gloss makes), buy yourself an outfit that makes your feel beautiful. Whatever it is, DO IT when you are feeling down about yourself. I have worn red lipstick and my heels to the grocery store because I needed that boost to my spirits. Remember YOU are the only one that matters.



I BELIEVE IN PRIMPING AT LEISURE AND WEARING LIPSTICK
4. Self Talk. Okay, I am notorious for looking myself in the mirror and pointing out ALL the things that are wrong with me. It's so easy to do. It's super easy to think about and ever tell yourself what's wrong with you. DO NOT DO IT! It's so detrimental to developing confidence. Instead, try telling yourself how HOT you look or how beautiful you are. I know it sounds cheesy but I can't tell you how much damage it does to someone to hear all the negative things about yourself, whether it's from someone else or yourself. BE NICE TO YOU!

You are Listening
BE CAREFUL HOW YOU ARE TALKING TO YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE LISTENING. -LISA M. HAYES

5. Exercise. You don't have to be a workout maniac by any means but just a little bit of exercise can change your whole attitude and if you do it, your confidence WILL go up, that's my own personal guarantee! I don't care what it is just do it! (I am taking pole fitness classes and had not idea how much exercise could be).



6. This one is especially for my blind or visually impaired friends. Use a cane or guide dog (since I am a cane user I will use cane here). I was ashamed to use a cane for most of my life. I thought it would make me stand up, that I didn't really need it all the time, that I wouldn't be able to be myself. Let me tell you something. I WAS SO WRONG. I used to walk around looking at the ground 90 percent of the time, focus so much on hiding my blindness that I didn't have time to focus on me and spent so much time worrying someone would find out I was blind that I missed out every opportunity to build confidence. When I got a cane, learned to use it and then used it every day but confidence went through the roof! I went from shy, quiet Deja to people thinking I was snoody because of how I walked around with my head up and shoulder back looking straight ahead. IT CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE. Cane=Confidence, it really, really does!!!

ME USING MY CANE IN NYC WITH SOME FRIENDS

Well there's my list.

My husband once told me that the first thing he noticed in me was my confidence that he thought that was the sexiest thing about me. I love that my confidence was my sexiest feature, not my body, my shoes, my make-up, my clothes, my ginormous brain...it was my confidence!

What would you add to this list? What helps you be confident?

 P.S. When I walk around with my cane and people stare (which they do and they always will) I sometimes pretend it's because I'm so good looking and has nothing to do with my cane. It helps on occasion and makes me life my head a little taller for the time being. Try it! It just might work.


CONFIDENCE IS BEAUTIFUL
 

3 comments:

Melanie said...

Hi Deja! You really hit the nail on the head with this post. I agree one hundred percent about all the many ways you can boost your confidence. One thing that helps me is a list of affirmations that I keep handy. I keep them recorded in a voice memo to myself, but you could have them hand written or Brailled to pull out when you need a reminder of just how awesome you are!

Terri said...

Deja, one thing that has helped me most recently was reading the book, "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," by Stephen Covey.

Naomi Young said...

You are amazing Deja! You're truly beautiful inside and out and I have no doubt you're right about people staring at you with the cane because you are so beautiful! Keep rockin' it!