11/5/12

Perfection in Patience

I was talking with a dear friend of mine today about blindness, struggles, ups and downs and well simply, life. She expressed to me her continual struggle with her blindness how there are days when she feels discouraged, down, angry, depressed... She is an amazing woman and from the outside you may never guess that she feels these things about blindness. She is a confident, independent woman who handles her blindness with what looks like, ease.

We talked a while today about not only our blindness but life how even when we have all the tools for success and happiness we sometimes have days when that all seems so distant and difficult to reach. It's easy to pretend that everything is right where it should be, to use the fake it til' you make it method (which I'm actually a big fan of, because it works). And while we should always do our best to be positive, optimistic and happy, we also have the right (and it's also very normal) to feel down from time to time.

 On a very personal level, since moving to Utah I've been struggling. I'm back in Utah but still hours away from family/ I'm living in a city that is completely new to me. Trying to make friends, trying to network, trying to maintain my independence has been a huge challenge for me. Like anyone moving to a new place, these challenges exist. However, for myself, I sometimes feel I'm exempt from the "it's ok to feel this way" club.

 Life for me the last few months has been challenging. I don't have a job, very few friends, am getting lost a lot and have a husband who's gone 75 percent of the time. Yeah, it's tough and I get very discouraged and even depressed many days but I always am trying to stop, re-assess my life and restructure it so I can move forward from where I am right now and it’s hard, really, really hard.

I know many of my friends are going through enormous transitions right now as well, and perhaps I write this more for myself than anyone else but for others too.

My counselor asked me recently why the advice I give to my friends is good advice for them, but not for me? It's a great question really, why the double standard? Why are we so quick to cut others slack and be understanding but not do the same for ourselves? I wanted to share a letter I wrote to myself, a letter I would easily send to a friend going through lots of changes in life but one was difficult to write to myself:

 Dear Deja,

You just moved to a new town, you know very few people here, you went from a job and working with people you adore to being alone a lot of the time. You had a place in Louisiana, you had a purpose and now you are stretching to find that same thing here. Don't be so tough on yourself. Give things time to settle into their rightful place. Don't rush and settle into something you aren't even happy doing. Listen to other people when they tell you, you will fit in, in time. Be patient while waiting for your prayers to be answered. You have a purpose and you can't rush that. Be still and listen for guidance and take this time to make yourself better. Remember to think about all you have more often and less about what's missing. Reach out to people and let them be there for you for once. Don't be so critical of yourself, it will all work out!

With Love,

Life

A little exercise for myself that seemed to help me a lot. I hope those of you that may be struggling can do the same.

*Picture: Have patience with all things.  But especially with yourself.
*Remember, you are a thing too! :)
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2 comments:

Clay and Jessica Brown said...

I think more often than not we all fall into the category of personal exemption. I know how you feel to some degree. It was very difficult for me to move to SC and even two and a half years later I still struggle some days. I miss my knob and co-workers and feeling like I did something that actually made a difference, but know that I am making a difference to Hayden now. Sometimes I long to have a job, but know deep down I would miss the time I have with Hayden. I miss my family a lot too. I still don't have many friends here, but I just try to serve others around me and that often eases my loneliness. You are awesome! I really wish we could have gotten together when I was in your neck of the woods! Just know it is okay to be down and depressed from time to time and you will rise above it all and this time shall pass! I know you can do hard things! Love ya Dej!

Kathie said...

That was beautifully written Deja. I feel like it takes me at least a year to feel adjusted and like I belong in a new place. I still struggle a little with it here in CA. Listen to your own advise and thanks for the reminder. Love you lots!