Today I came home from an awesome dance trip to Vegas (more to come on this). Tonight, when I walked into my bedroom to go to bed early, I stepped and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my foot, I bent down and pulled a small piece of glass out of my heal. As I bent down and felt the carpet there were shards of glass everywhere.
I soon found a picture frame, shattered into thousands of tiny bits of glass, the frame to a picture I had hanging on the wall of me and GQ! I cleaned up the class and felt nothing, the only thing I could think of what what this symbolized, to me, this dream that had shattered in front of me! The shards of glass that pierced my skin and the tiny bit of blood that stained my carpet. I laid there, in the shards, without a single tear making it's appearance and all I could think of was how that "picture" went from "center of my wall", to shards of glass on my carpet.
Today was the day! The day he would be coming home, the day I was counting down to, the day he would want to rush back to Salt Lake to see "his sweetheart," and yet the day is over and I'm still alone...laying in a pile of shards. So I got up and came in here to write it down and I'm glad I did because I got up! That was the first goal! And people, right now that's about as far reaching as my goals get! Get up and make it to the next hour Deja!
I cry when I shouldn't and don't when I should, I laugh when the times not right, but can't when I should! I smile when I can, but it's never enough. And I pray when I'm falling, but not when I on secure footing.
So I cleaned up the shards of glass, whether symbolic of coincidental and I moved, just two rooms away, but I moved. Perhaps these baby steps are all I can do for now...