I have always had this weird obsession with plane crash survivors. I guess I find them miraculous and I'm in need of reminders that miracles happen.
For me, right now...
This hurts so bad!
I couldn't breathe last night. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't wrap my mind around eating, or sleeping or moving at all.
I walked passed my t.v., which is always on because it makes me feel less alone, and I saw my show on, "So You Think You Can Dance." I didn't even stop to watch it, but the song playing caught my attention...
(posted below...please listen)
We found out yesterday my baby sister lost her baby...her second baby in less than a year. I can't explain the heartache I felt when I answered her phone call and heard her heartbreak on the other end of the line...
I expected the call from her. I expected to hear joy in her voice and a date, a date when her sweet baby would make its debut. Instead her pain just pierced through me.
I don't understand. I don't understand why this all has to happen. I doubt I ever will. I can't answer my baby sister when she asks me, "Please try to explain to me why this has to happened to me?"
I just sit on the other end of the phone in silence...
We are a strong family. We've had to be. But we're tired.
I'm a firm believer in faith and strength and hope but I don't particualary care if it's ok for me to feel like enough is enough, that's how I feel right now.
I wish my dad were here.
I hate that my sister is so heart-broken, so crushed, so afraid and so confused. I would do anything to 'fix' her heart! But I know my pink tools can't fix this at all.
My sister asked me, "Where do I go from here?" "How do I even move forward?"
I don't know.
But I can tell you that every time my "plane" has come crashing down, I've always been equipped with a parachute.
Today, I just pray for parachutes!
Please God, be sure there are plenty of parachutes to go around!