The Asphalt Blues

I must admit I feel a lot better about going private!

Why, you ask? Cause I feel like now I can be a bit more "Real" shall we say! Whether "Real" is good for the reader or not!?! I can't tell ya! You may have to grin and bare it for a bit while I got my "Mid-Life Crisis"!
I know, I'm only 25 (26 in four days) but I am FREAKING OUT about my upcoming day-of-birth celebration, cause, well, not exactly where I thought I'd be at the quarter life milestone.

But let me say right now, this blog will not become Sob Fest 2009, promise...ok, I can't promise that all the posts will be cheery and jubilant but I will make a hearty effort, at least a B effort (always aim for mediocre)!

On that note...the next couple/few posts may be slightly Sob Fest-esk, but the tides will turn my friends, so bare with it. Remember, you asked for it...you didn't know what you were getting into, did ya!?!

Life has been filled with blessings galore for me, I realize I'm a lucky broad and through all the blessings...I've hit a few bumps...heeping huge, more like mountain-esk mounds of dirt...but we shall call them bumps.

Recently, I have felt like I've been driving, I mean walking, down this road (I know you're thinking, not the road metaphor again...everyone uses that but cut me some slack the creativity isn't seaping right now...anyway back to walking...) and I'm FINALLY am at nearly a skipping pace, maybe even a slight jog, when I hit this freaking massive bump and fall flat on my face (that was the climax...did ya catch that?)

So now, I'm flat faced on the assphalt, staring at the little grey pebbles wondering, why am I here and why am laying here, on my face not moving analyzing the pebbles and not getting up!?!

Why I can't I just get up, brush myself off and walk on, I don't know. It was only a bump so how did the fall hurt so badly? Why can't I move? Didn't I learn before to not skip in case I might trip or maybe when I skip, I should plan on tripping!?! But I've been here, face down on the asphault before.

For you guys, this probably sounds pretty vague, cause I'm good at vague, but I will be elaborating more on this subject soon (I bet your iching with excitement, yeah, more "road of life" talk...woopee!) But I will say this now...

I have so much going on in my life right now that is great, fabulous, thrilling really!?! But I had to let something (that's code for someone) go this last week that I truly fell head-over-my-favorite-pink-heels for and the pain sets in...

I have had three "Great Loves" in my life, the first I feared all along I would lose, the second I thought I'd found my happily ever after and the third...well that's you chocolate and you never have to worry about us seperating, C&D forever!

This 2nd "Great Love" though is fresh on my mind because I'm still crazy in love (still not as much as you Chocolate--don't you worry) with this #2 (since I kinda feel bad calling "it" a number we will call "it" GQ)!

I lay here and just wish I could turn it off, I wish I could get up and look around and see that I have everything I've dreamed off...but there's always this, "Except for him!"

I fell super hard (not on the asphalt...I'm talking for real now...you with me?), harder than I wanted to, I tried to stop the falling hard thing but I dun did it and fell. And now little, "I'm never gonna fall in love again," Deja is in love and alone in that love!

But she's tough right...that Deja chick, she's tough and she'll get off the asphalt soon (now back to the mataphor), cause she's a tough broad!?!

Asphalt staring may be her/my pastime for now until she can pick herself up and kick that bump to the curb!
I realize not the most cheery post and some of you may be thinking, "What the heck did I sign up for?" But this is what Deja...ok Deja's me...there the cat's out of the bag....needs right now, a place to come and talk about staring at asphalt!

Thanks for listening!

*All checks (for this and furture therapy sessions) can be mailed to 7894 Asphalt Way.


Nika, Travis, Ayda and Zander said...

Hang in there! I think it is good to voice your hurt and what is going on with you, that is what "blogging" is all about. I know you will get back up and you will be stronger than ever. Just give it time, sometimes that is what it takes to heal a broken heart.

Julie said...

I'm glad you've decided to share some of your experiences and feelings on your blog. I know it has helped me tremendously on mine. As for your #2 (GQ), don't feel bad that you are still head over heels. I took my ex with me on Friday to a seminar where he met my personal trainer. Today at training, she told me she can tell I'm still in love with him by the way I act around him. I guess it takes a while to fall out of love. I think you are a wonderful person and hope you can move past this bump in your life soon!

The Kooky Queen--Rachel said...

Love this post!!!!!! So glad you can be more real and share more of Deja with us!! :) Let me help you up sista and brush those pebbles off your face...better? :) Love ya!

Kathie said...

love you Deja!

Crystal said...

Deja, it's your blog, you can say anything you want! I love it and I feel much closer to you through it. Vent away....oh yes, and the checks in the mail.

Cassie said...

Keep the truth coming... its better that way.

Happy Holmes said...

You are a smart cookie. Don't stay down too long.. you have so much more to give and receive!

**Boys can really stink sometimes, eh!

and... add me when you go private. I would so miss reading your thoughts!!