I walked across that bridge that took me from 06 to 07, part of me left there and the other part having no choice but to "GO!".
I came across with a barely beating heart that had no idea how to start and was about to fall apart.
Walking along I could barely see, my eyes were glossy and my cheeks stained with sweat and sorrow and aspirations for tomorrow.
He was so much a part of me, the heart of me, the me I wanted to be. But God had others plans and now he was is in His hands. Not bitter nor mad just lost without my dad.
My hopes were in his eyes, my dreams in his genes, my faith intertwined with everything and now feeling lost in the scenes...
that pass by me too fast.
I keep walking but I can't get rid of the smell of metal he put around my finger, it seems to linger with the words he said when he promised forever. Not bitter nor mad, just wondering why what we had wasn't enough, enough for my love that I though was from above.
A year, with a new fear just around the corner I gather together to prepare to endure...
As the world got darker that day, it was in the air, it was in my hair and no matter what I do it remains there. Lost in my confusion about life and lies and "too soon" good byes I sent up crys to Him who sent it all for a reason He can only recall.
The tears of that day remain I taste them again and again and no matter what I do or where I go they taste the same.
Hope somehow shines through in the form of Faith and friends, dreamers like me, seekers of peace and I turn to my knees and begin my plea.
"God fix me, touch me, somehow show me that I'm where I need to be."
Part of me lost in the storm that I passed but somehow I find serentiy at last. I'm bruised and I'm battered, my heart a bit broken but somehow still beating...
Beating enough to let love in again?
A new smile captivates me like it's the first time, love at first sight, my soldier in the fight my unexpected delight.
The year at an end and I find myself more hopeful than ever, ready to weather, just about whatever. Suited up for whatever war I will face, whatever heartache I'll replace, and hopefull I will do it with grace.
Now I can't wait to being by 08.
5 comments:
Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.
Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.
Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.
--"Barter" Sarah Teasdale
So I read that, and I think it says to just live life and try not to worry about the bad stuff because there is so much good stuff to think about instead. Thought you might like it, too.
Deja, I'm so glad I found you! You look so beautiful! It sounds like your life is headed in the right direction, that's so great you are in grad school, I can only dream of that. I'm glad you had a great Christmas in Salt Lake! Stay in touch!
Sharon
Okay, you are a really great poet! Obviously I can't even begin to imagine how it must have felt to go through half of the things you have been through, but I can see it has made you a stronger person. You are amazing and I hope life can only bring you happiness in your future!
We love you and hope only best in 2008, keep in touch!
Deja... I'm sorry that it's been so rough! You are such a strong girl!!! It was in the hospital the last time that I saw you. We were there for Trent's sister who had been shot in the head and had brain surgery. I'm really sorry about your dad. I can't even imagine how much you must miss him!! I've found that the hardest times in life just make the good times so much better, because you know how truly blessed you are! You are a very talented writer.
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