Lipstick Logic

Have you ever had those days, weeks, years, whatever when you just feel down? I know you all know what I'm talking about. I have had one of those weeks. Nothing has gotten accomplished. The house is a mess. I turned in my first homework assignment LATE. I've cried a lot (most of the times I don't even know why). It's just been kind of gray in my heart.

I hate feeling this way, it's the worst. I have been struggling to understand why I can't have kids naturally. Most days I am positive about it and okay with it (to some extent) but not this week. I have been bleeding very badly again and was in bed for two days because I lost so much blood. It bloody sucked! This time, all I could think of was just ending this monthly torture, het a hysderectomy and find another way to have a child. In fact, my IVF doctor called me today and asked me how I was doing. I literally paused for a minute or so and said nothing. I wanted to just say, "let's do this, lets get this 'thing' out of me" but I couldn't do it! I just can't bring myself to take that step. Not yet. Hubs is out in the field and I have just missed him, missed crying on his shoulder, missed his optimism. I've just missed him a whole lot.



Various shades of lip stick.

So today, I woke up and the first thing I did was hit my knees to the floor and prayed. Now whether you believe in prayer or not, I have to just say it works for me and sadly I don't do it regularly. But this morning I DID. I decided that even though I still felt sad, dark, lonely and plain bummed out I would get in the shower (okay, you don't need to know how long it had been since I showered), get dressed  put on some lip stick and leave my house. I almost talked myself out of it several times but I slapped on a little mascara and some red lipstick and I walked outside.

I got to the bus stop, realized I didn't have change to pay for the bus ride so I told the driver, nevermind, I would walk. I plastered a red painted smile on my face and just walked...

This particular thought came to my mind...



"It's up to you to find beauty in the ugliest days."

This isn't the easiest thing to do sometimes, take control of your happiness but one thing I've learned over the years is that it IS my responsibility, it's my fault when I mope around and it's my fault when I'm happy!

Those who read my blog probably already know the I struggle with my self image. A lot. So I decided I'd take a picture of myself in my red lipstick and actually post it. Phew. So here are a few....

It's amazing how much better you feel when you shower, get dressed put on a little lipstick (even when you aren't going anywhere fancy) and face the outside world.



Lipstick can't solve all problems, but it's a pretty great start.

I hope you all have a terrific week.

What's your secret when your going through a dark time?