That Stuff DOESN’T Happen Anymore!

Recently I was telling a family member about an experience I had looking for an apartment a few years back. I had just graduated with my Master’s Degree and had taken a well-paying job (well, more well-paying than anything I’d ever had before) in Salt Lake. I grew up in a suburb of SLC and had always dreamed of living in a high-rise apartment in the middle of the city. Since I can remember, that was my “dream home”. My mom and I set out to find my dream apartment. There is a fancy outdoor mall in downtown SLC where they had built high-rise apartments right above the mall, right in the middle of the city. If you know me, you know this is PERFECTION! That would be are first stop, no questions asked. My mom and I walked in the front door to the leasing office, it was busy and one lady seemed to be helping everyone. I stood and waited with a big grin on my face, my dream was about to become reality. I really could care less how small the place was, this was it! I was practically dancing around in my shoes!

The lady finally stepped aside and walked up to me and said the following, “I’m sorry sweetie, we don’t do section 8 housing here, you can’t afford this place!”

To say I was in utter shock would have been an understatement, I was frozen in dis-belief. I had become a very confident, out-spoken, independent BLIND woman and my anger was at the boiling point (understandably if I do say so myself). I walked out the door without saying a word. Do I wish I would have given her a piece of my mind right there and then, HECK YES I do! I stood outside and let loose on my mom. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???

I had heard of things like this happening but like many people think, I thought this was so out of the norm and would most certainly NEVER EVER happen to me! I turned to my mom (who was also trying to swallow what just happened). She convinced me to go back in and at least see the apartment, after all I had longed for this apartment for so long. I did go up and see the apartment, arms folded, biting my tongue, and with a whole different demeanor than when I first walked in. There was NO WAY IN HELL I was renting that apartment now! I was furious inside. All my hard work. All my years of school. All my accomplishments to that point, she stomped all over! I was so hurt and ANGRY, oh boy was I angry! Needless to say, I found a BETTER apartment in a beautiful building in downtown SLC and I LOVED living there, but this memory still crosses my mind every time I walk past that building.

Many of us think that discrimination is a thing of the past, we fought that battle and we won, right!?! Recent events in our country have brought up much discussion on the topic/issue of discrimination…and I don’t think it’s a bad thing that we’re talking about it! People with disabilities STILL face discrimination today in big and small ways, well really, they’re all big. Perhaps because of recent national events, we are more aware of this happening in our world, and we get more fired up when we see if affect people around us. People with disabilities face discrimination often, and rarely does it make the news at all. A couple of stories recently showcase the fact that blind people are facing discrimination, and yes, that’s exactly what it is.

I hope you’ll take the time to read these two stories:

School takes blind kid's cane, gives him pool noodle

Blind couple denied bus seats

The first, I lovingly call Noodle-Gate 2014, because it got A LOT of coverage (which it should have) involved a school district in Kansas City taking the cane of an 8-year-old blind boy and replacing it with a pool noodle—in the name of bad behavior. The school district has since apologized for their grave mistake. The story has got people talking about an important issue involving blind children.  What are your thoughts on this story?

The 2^nd is a story of a sweet friend of mine and her boyfriend denied access on public transportation in Washington.

The stories may seem like simple mistakes, but the reality is, they lead down a dark path for people with disabilities. In a daily struggle to beat the odds, and not to become part of the 70% unemployment rate among the blind, we fight daily for access to the same things as our sighted counterparts. Discrimination is not just about race, religion or socio-economic status, people with disabilities must be included in these discussions!

This stuff DOES still happen and we have to make the issues heard loud and clear and not sit idly by.

6 Ways to Improve Confidence

Hello Everyone!

I don't know about you, but I'm getting super excited for fall.
Fall Colors.
Caramel Apples.
Apple Beer or Apple Cidar.
Fall Smells.
Scarves.
I'm excited.

I wanted to talk to you today about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. You don't mind do you?

You ALL know how much I love shoes. Duh. I talk about it A LOT! When I put on a pair of my heels, I feel totally different. There is like the light switch that flicks in me. I feel sexy, happy, energized and more confident. All because of a pair of shoes.

Oh Confidence.

Confidence is something I have struggled with for SOOOOO LOOOONG. Some people don't believe this when they meet me but it's been a lifelong battle for me that will continue to be I fear. So I wanted to share some of my tips for developing confidence, do you guys mind?

I HAVE so much work to do in this area but I've also come such a long way! And some days are harder than others in the confidence department, it's something I have to concentrate on regularly. I'm so hard on myself and it's SO easy to start comparing yourself to other and feeling like you are not up to par. Ugh, it's so hard sometimes.

So here's my list of things to help confidence rise:

1. Fake it til' you make it! Sometimes you just don't feel good about yourself. Sometimes you look in the mirror or walk down the street and all you can think of is the weight you've gained, the zit on your face that's feels like the size of a house or the fact you just feel down, tired and worn out from life. Whatever it is, some days you just have to FAKE IT TIL' YOU MAKE IT! It's true. You have to plaster on a smile, lift your chin up and walk like you are the most confident, foxy woman (or man) in the world.

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT

2. Don't rely on anyone else to make you feel pretty, it's all you! One of the biggest things I struggle with is needing validation. I hate that I feel like I need it, but it's reality. Especially when it comes to the person you date or marry, sure it's nice if they validate your beauty or give your confidence but it's totally up to you how you feel about yourself. I learned this lesson the hard way more than once. You have to love yourself first and foremost. I know you've heard it before, but I'm serious people. It wasn't until I was happy in my own skin, learned to love myself, gained confidence on my own that I found the man that was perfect for me. At that point I was just looking for someone who fit well with be not someone to complete me, because well, I already felt complete.

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT

3. Do that one thing that makes YOU feel sexy. This can be putting on some lipstick in your color of choice, throwing on those high heels, fixing your hair the best way you feel sexy, adding a little make-up (you would not believe how much of a difference just wearing mascara and lip gloss makes), buy yourself an outfit that makes your feel beautiful. Whatever it is, DO IT when you are feeling down about yourself. I have worn red lipstick and my heels to the grocery store because I needed that boost to my spirits. Remember YOU are the only one that matters.




I BELIEVE IN PRIMPING AT LEISURE AND WEARING LIPSTICK

4. Self Talk. Okay, I am notorious for looking myself in the mirror and pointing out ALL the things that are wrong with me. It's so easy to do. It's super easy to think about and ever tell yourself what's wrong with you. DO NOT DO IT! It's so detrimental to developing confidence. Instead, try telling yourself how HOT you look or how beautiful you are. I know it sounds cheesy but I can't tell you how much damage it does to someone to hear all the negative things about yourself, whether it's from someone else or yourself. BE NICE TO YOU!

BE CAREFUL HOW YOU ARE TALKING TO YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE LISTENING. -LISA M. HAYES

5. Exercise. You don't have to be a workout maniac by any means but just a little bit of exercise can change your whole attitude and if you do it, your confidence WILL go up, that's my own personal guarantee! I don't care what it is just do it! (I am taking pole fitness classes and had not idea how much exercise could be).

6. This one is especially for my blind or visually impaired friends. Use a cane or guide dog (since I am a cane user I will use cane here). I was ashamed to use a cane for most of my life. I thought it would make me stand up, that I didn't really need it all the time, that I wouldn't be able to be myself. Let me tell you something. I WAS SO WRONG. I used to walk around looking at the ground 90 percent of the time, focus so much on hiding my blindness that I didn't have time to focus on me and spent so much time worrying someone would find out I was blind that I missed out every opportunity to build confidence. When I got a cane, learned to use it and then used it every day but confidence went through the roof! I went from shy, quiet Deja to people thinking I was snoody because of how I walked around with my head up and shoulder back looking straight ahead. IT CHANGED MY ENTIRE LIFE. Cane=Confidence, it really, really does!!!

ME USING MY CANE IN NYC WITH SOME FRIENDS

Well there's my list.

My husband once told me that the first thing he noticed in me was my confidence that he thought that was the sexiest thing about me. I love that my confidence was my sexiest feature, not my body, my shoes, my make-up, my clothes, my ginormous brain...it was my confidence!

What would you add to this list? What helps you be confident?

 P.S. When I walk around with my cane and people stare (which they do and they always will) I sometimes pretend it's because I'm so good looking and has nothing to do with my cane. It helps on occasion and makes me life my head a little taller for the time being. Try it! It just might work.



CONFIDENCE IS BEAUTIFUL

 

High School Confidential

I started using a cane regularly when I was 23-years-old, after attending the Louisiana Center for the Blind. But I wasn’t 23 when I became blind, in fact, I have been blind my whole life. I was diagnosed with spasmus nutens, cone-rod dystrophy and nystagmus at 9 months old, a bunch of fancy words that basically meant I was blind and that wouldn’t likely change.

Why do I bring this up now? Perhaps it’s to appease myself but one of the things I’ve struggled with the most, since beginning to use a cane, has been how I handle seeing people I knew growing up. What are they thinking? “What happened to Deja, she wasn’t blind in high school?”

A few of my childhood, junior high and high school friends knew I was blind, or at least that I had “vision problems” but those friends were the minority. Most of my life my parents and I were told I had “enough vision” that I didn’t need braille and I didn’t need a cane and I was lucky because you could hardly tell I was blind, this is what I lived by. My whole goal through school was to get by with as few people as possible knowing I was blind. I wanted to fit in and be like everybody else and hiding my blindness was the “easiest/best” way to do so.

I have always felt like I was walking this tight wire, this fine line, am I blind or am I sighted? I never quite felt like I fit into either catagory and it was confusing at a time when I was already trying to figure out who I was. I was active in high school cheerleading, newspaper staff, drama club, school theatre, concert choir, etc. I loved being active in school and loved being busy, all in all I was happy.

But I made things so incredibly hard on myself, trying to hide something as significant as blindness was taxing physically and emotionally. I don’t say this so others will feel sorry for me, I was fairly popular and life was good, but there was a hidden side to my life that very few knew about.

While we all struggle to fit in, in our teenage years, I had this thing in my pocket, blindness that added a whole other layer to my identity crisis. I was very much emotional and concerned that I didn’t have close friends, a click, a group that I fit into, this is something so normal for any teenager and on top of that I couldn’t figure out if I was blind or sighted, it was very difficult and taxing to try to be both.

However, I was fighting a whole other battle that few knew about. I wasn’t sighted enough to do things normally, I often tried to hide the fact that I couldn’t see the board in class, that the text books were far too small for me to read and I rarely actually did my school work in class but instead waiting until I could go home and press my face very close to the page, in the comfort on my own house.  I struggled walking through the halls without running into people, or finding my spot during a cheerleading halftime show. I often made myself physically sick figuring out how to keep my blindness as discrete as possible.

My battle continued into college and I event went through a period of time where I used my cane one week and the next week wouldn’t.  My poor classmates must have been so confused it was just as confusing and draining for me too. However, high school is when I remember struggling the most…

I needed such a high prescription in glasses that in elementary and Jr. High school my glasses barely stayed on my face, were heavy, and incredibly thick so I begged my mom for contacts. My mom always understood my struggle and always did her best to support me in my decisions. The problem was, my contacts were thick, incredibly, incredibly thick, so thick that they began to cause ulcers and severe infections in my corneas. However, I was so determined to keep my blindness at bay and I refused to give up my contacts. I would some days be in so much pain; my eyes would actually bleed and I couldn’t go to school.  It’s crazy for me to think now that I’d rather be in all that pain than use any tools that made me different. But at the time it was my lack of self esteem and my need to fit in that made me feel the pain was worth it.

My high school years were good, I am not regretful of that time in my life but I know now that things could have been so much easier for me had I had the confidence to be myself, use tools that would help me and be accepting of my blindness. It is, in some ways, very painful for me to remember that time in my life and how difficult it was for me to hide something that was so, so much a part of my life.  

Today I am back in Utah, where I grew up and where I went to school and I find myself running into, finding people on social media and re-connecting with friends again. I often wonder if they wonder what happened to Deja?

Now I’m confident in saying I’m blind. I am now secure in my own skin, cane and all, but there are still moments when my insecurities sneak in. It’s tough to walk up confidently to someone you knew so well in high school, who had no idea you were blind, with a long white cane. It’s something that might always be hard for me, facing my past, but it gets a little easier each passing day.

To those of you who are trying to find your identity whether with blindness, another disability or just going through that time in your life where it’s hard as heck to figure out, know it gets easier that it’s a process and that one day you’ll figure it out.

To any of my high school friends who may be reading this, maybe a few questions have been answered for you, too. But if they haven’t don’t be afraid to ask!

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Here are a few Deja in HIgh School pics for fun...

varsity cheerleading 2001

varsity cheer

playing the queen in high school musical Cinderella

junior prom

senior ball

Parenting: Answering the Hard Questions

A sweet friend of mine recently contacted me via email. She was concerned about how to educate her little boy on people with disabilities. How should she explain things? What questions should she answer? What does she say to her little boy?

I am SO grateful when I get emails like this. It's refreshing to know there are parents out there who want to teach their children and educate them properly.

I find that when I am out and about, travelling from place to place, there is one general common occurrence. Kids are always curious about my cane and why I use it. I love kids in that they are so hungry for information and want to know all about everything going on around them. It's in their nature to want to know why and how, I love this.

So how does a parent go about addressing people with disabilities to their children?

1. Always, always be willing to answer their questions. Something that bothers me tremendously is when I hear a child ask their parent about my cane or why I use it and then mom/dad just shushes them. You know, "Shhh...we'll talk about that later (in hushed tone)." It's understandable parents can feel awkward in moments like this especially when they know I can hear them. BUT, the worst thing a parent can do is hush their child. Don't be afraid to answer the question right there on the spot. You may go into a longer, more in-depth conversation later but it's important for them to know it's ok to ask. If I hear the child, I'll sometimes answer myself but the parents are the best people to answer because then the child isn't afraid in the future to ask questions.

2. If you don't know the answer, it's okay. You are not expected to know everything about everything. Answer what you can then later do your own research and find the answers. The Internet has become an excellent resource for information that is easily accessible (still be careful where you get your information from). It's ok to say, "I don't know, but I will find out!" THEN go back to your child with the answer, don't leave them hanging, wondering and speculating.

3. Not every parent will want to do this but it's another option. Sometimes children will come up to me directly and ask me questions like, "Why do you carry that big stick around?" Or, "Why are you looking so closely at that package?" I personally don't mind this at all. It's easy for me to explain and I am totally aware that the child is just curious. If they have a question about me, or the person with the disability, let them ask them. Again, this might make some parents cringe, not knowing what the child may ask, but it's good for them to talk to others and learn things on their own as well.

4. Educate your child. There are so many great stories, books, articles, etc. about people with disabilities most are great, some are not, but check them out yourself first and then share them with your child. For example here are some really fun articles, about blind people, that are fun to read AND are great for educating your kiddos:
I Can't See...But I Can Imagine
Freedom 
Beyond the Funny Tree
Celebrate
Imagine
The Lessons of the Earth
To Reach for the Stars
The Car, the Sled, and the Butch Wa
Not Much of a Muchness
Safari
Reaching for the Top in the Land Down Under
I Can Feel Blue on Monday
Oh, Wow!
Reflecting the Flame
Remember to Feed the Kittens
To Touch the Untouchable Dream
Gray Pancakes and Gold Horses
Wall-to-Wall Thanksgiving
The Journey
Making Hay
As the Twig Is Bent
The Freedom Bell
What Color Is the Sun

5.  Don't be afraid to ask for help! Like I mentioned before if you don't know the answer to a question or you're not sure how to answer it. Don't hesitate to reach out to someone who can help. I'm always right across the internet-o-sphere at deja.powell@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading this and for being such AWESOME parents!
And HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

When Santa Lost his Eyesight

*This is a cute little story written by my good friend Alex Castillo adapted froma play from one of my heroes, Jerry Whittle. Enjoy!

When Santa Lost His Eyesight 

Santa winking/

 By: Alex Castillo

Most people know about Santa Claus. He’s the Jolly old fellow who along with a team of flying reindeer and tireless elves, work year round so that on one night out of every year, they can bring presents to children and adults all over the world. What many people are not aware of, is that one year, Santa began noticing that his vision was not what it used to be. Of course, he did not want to admit it to himself, but driving that sleigh at night, and being up there in the sky with all of those airplanes zooming by, made him feel quite unsafe.

It was no surprise when news started being gossiped about in the North Pole that Santa had gone blind, and that he was quitting the holidays. He became depressed, and without his work, he lost his sense of purpose in life. The man was a real sad mess. On one of those special Holiday nights, everything started going downhill and Just got worse and worse. The naughty and good lists were becoming a blur, and he handed out the wrong toys to more than 1 billion people. I know what you might be thinking at this moment, If Santa had gone blind, you would have surely heard about it. I’m not saying this is all true, but was there one year in which you received absolutely the most unlikely gift ever? Well, if the answer is yes, then this story might make a little sense.

After getting home that night, Santa could do little more than lock himself up in his office at the toy factory, and no matter how hard anyone tried to cheer him up, he could do absolutely nothing for a very long time. This is the story I heard last year when I was visiting friends in Ruston, Louisiana. They say that one year after he had lost his vision; Santa came down there to receive training at their blindness center. “He could barely even see Rudolph’s nose,” they said, “He had lost about 75 pounds when he had first arrived, and wouldn’t even touch a cookie.” “he’d get real close to ya when he was talking,” they would all whisper, “Couldn’t tell north from south even if he was holding a compass: bless his heart.” And apparently the entire town knew about this phenomenon. So well-known was the story down there that a writer by the name of Jerry Whittle wrote a play about the whole ordeal, and everyone in town came to see the production.

 When I asked how come Santa didn’t choose Nebraska to come and train, after all, we have an awesome center right here, and it would seem the familiar choice with all the snow we get, howling winds, and freezing weather, the answer I received was: “well, Nebraska? With all that snow up there? He’d be recognized in a heartbeat if he stepped outside dressed in all red in his Husker gear. “They said: “Down here, he’s just another blind guy with a beard.” The more I thought about the story, about this blind and depressed Santa Claus, the more sense it made. Often when people start to lose their eyesight, they feel ashamed, and even worthless. People find themselves almost transforming from a productive and contributing member of their family, or community, to just sitting passively, watching life and everyone else pass them by.

We often confuse the inability to do, with the inability to see. And all that it would take for us to get back into our routine, or even find a more exciting and challenging one is to simply understand that with some blindness training, many doors can open up with the promise of opportunity. Training centers do not create Santa Claus’s. But they can help Santa figure out how he can do his job as a respectable blind person non-visually. As I recall, the play ended with Santa making the decision to keep the toy factories open and to stay in the Job as Santa Claus, and arriving at the North Pole to continue his yearly duties, with some new blindness skills and alternatives. It was a true happy ending. But the people in Ruston tell a different story. They say that he didn’t go back to the North Pole right away. “Oh, he had some trouble with the training,” they said. At first, he was always lifting those sleep shades. They said he would use the excuse of being overheated to lift them and peek during every class. He didn’t like travel very much, they said: “Oh, Santa, Santa, you would see him just hiding when it was time for travel class,” But what surprised me the most was when they told me: “the first time Santa stepped into the wood shop and heard those live blades running, he almost fainted.”

One would think that someone who has been working with factory machinery their whole lives would be able to handle an arm saw. As time went by, he settled into the center and became an excellent student. But, after training, he didn’t go back to the North Pole right away. He wanted to try out a new career. He went to work at this Cajun restaurant as a cook in the next town. During training, Santa had discovered that he had let Mrs. Claus do all the cooking their entire marriage, but he actually enjoyed working in the kitchen. “Could you imagine that?” they said, “Santa as a cook in a Cajun restaurant?” I suppose he just felt like he wanted some independence.

Like many people after they finish blindness training, he must have felt a bit rebellious and must have wanted to prove to anyone that he could go far beyond the common expectations for a blind person. It wasn’t until the Mrs. Threatened to come and get him that he decided to go back up north. Sometimes the path to independence isn’t obvious and clear. Sometimes, like Santa, we need to figure ourselves out for a little while. Sometimes, blindness gives us an opportunity to learn and make decisions which vary greatly from our past, and that we would have never thought possible if we had not lost our eyesight. And sometimes, we just get a stronger sense of who we are.

But, The first step toward independence, and starting your life, or getting it back is recognizing when it’s time to receive training, and then going through that training in a program that will allow you to fully realize yourself as a respectable blind person. After all, this is our life, and we live through our choices. As for Santa, You can decide to believe this story or not, but the children and grownups are still receiving presents on time and without any strange mix-ups. Polls show that he’s been doing a better job year after year. And just the other day, I read a review about some new restaurant opening up on the North Pole which specializes in southern cuisine. Note:

This Story was based on the play written by Jerry Whittle.

Link: http://nebraskacenterfortheblind.blogspot.com/2012/12/blind-santa-goes-back-to-work.html

What is it you do?

Many people ask, or wonder, what it is I do for a living. Right now,
I'm working on a starting a new career in the southern part of Utah but
what I do is teach blind people to get around effectively and independently
using a long white cane.

I teach a method called Structured Discovery Cane Travel (SDCT). My
former place of work, the PDRIB just released a great Q&A about what
it is I do and what many others are doling. It's a method I fully believe in.

Q: What is the written or working definition of SDCT?

A: In short, Structured Discovery Cane Travel (SDCT) ™ is defined as the consumer-based model of orientation and mobility instruction that is derived from the collective knowledge, experiences, attitudes, and expectations of blind men and women. A full and complete description of the methods and principles that comprise SDCT take months to convey as graduate students or those pursuing an apprenticeship will attest. SDCT is not simply a strategy that can be incorporated into lessons being taught by those conventionally trained because it is a “whole paradigm” and to adopt only specific elements negates its entire premise.

Q: Why such a long cane? If SDCT promotes staying "in-step" and "in-time" but cane tip is beyond stepping area, how is coverage ensured?

A: Walking in-step with the longer, white cane provides for adequate coverage when the person is walking with his/her back straight and effecting a normal gait. Experience has shown that walking at an individual’s natural walking stride while using a short cane all too often results in not enough reaction time to stop before overstepping a drop-off or hitting an obstacle. Hence, the length of the cane allows the person to walk at a normal pace and to have the confidence that he/she will have sufficient reaction time to respond to changes in the environment.

Q: Do SDCT instructors teach pre-cane devices or AMDs?

A: Because the structure of many pre-cane and AMDs serve as a barrier to surroundings, they limit the exposure that blind children have with their environment. With a toddler, we would advocate the integration of an appropriate size cane for general mobility. During play we also promote the use of push toys that can be used out in front of the child. We strongly encourage children to freely move, explore, and to thoroughly engage with their environment and pre-cane and AMDs devices are not conducive to these ends.

Q: Where does low vision fit into SDCT?

A: This question has partially been answered with the responses to Question 10 and 21. When a consumer indicates interest in utilizing low vision devices, he/she would be referred to appropriate sources. The role of the SDCT instructor is primarily to teach students that they can go when and wherever they want to go without fear the they might not be able to see something. Once they have developed true confidence in the cane and nonvisual techniques, then they can use low vision devices at their own discretion.

Q: When is SDCT taught to children?

A: SDCT principles can be used with children regardless of age. Clearly, the skills taught will not be the same for a toddler as they are for an adult just as with traditional training.

Read the full article here: www.pdrib.com

Stop Worrying and 'She" will Learn to Love the Cane

I came across and article today that I was reminded about myself and reading through it again was reminded how much I LOVE this article. PARENTS, this is for you! Take a few minutes to read it, it's excellent!

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and
My Daughter Learned to Love the Cane

by Patricia Renfranz

My daughter Caroline, who is now twelve, is congenitally blind. She has been enrolled in a mainstream elementary school program since second grade. We spent many joyful and many frustrating hours encouraging her to explore her world as a toddler and preschooler. One day she’d be up to her armpits in a pumpkin--gleefully enjoying the gunk--and the next day she’d be crying at the top of a slide--afraid to come down but determined to do it nonetheless. A few times I crammed myself into the McDonald’s Playland tunnels to orient her or encourage her to keep moving. The worst times were those when we felt the glare of other parents as we “tortured” that poor crying blind toddler who couldn’t make up her mind to go up or down on the playground slide. We had to remember that we knew our daughter best. We knew she wanted to slide down; we just had to hang in with her until she had the courage to do it. Fortunately, my family’s resilience in these matters has paid off. Perhaps this is why I was asked by the Future Reflections editor to write about cane travel and training during the elementary school years. So, here goes.

Caroline received her first cane in preschool at the Utah Schools for the Deaf and the Blind. This cane, in fact, was a little tiny NFB cane, the significance of which I did not appreciate at the time. I don’t think Caroline saw this cane as a great emancipator, but she did receive encouragement and training. As she moved into elementary school, her various orientation and mobility instructors (OMIs) provided her with a number of different cane types (usually the red and white aluminum cane) and cane tips. She used her cane at school--in the halls, in the lunchroom, and on the playground--fairly responsibly. On the other hand, she was always encouraged to leave it at the doorway of her classroom, even though a classroom is the least predictable space in the whole school. Caroline mixed her techniques and grips to use the cane as she saw fit, while receiving instruction on its proper usage.

I do not think it is heretical or dangerous for her to have mixed and matched techniques; she was just being a kid. However, technique was a focus of her IEP goals. Technique is intimidating, and while an OMI (or a parent) may know a lot about techniques, they do not necessarily know how to translate techniques devised for blind adults into a program appropriate for children. It makes me wonder if OMI training programs have any sort of pediatric specialty. Are any of those folks who are just terrific working with children--we know who they are, even if we can't describe the type--ever recruited into OMI training programs? What about teachers with an elementary education background? Are OMIs working in the school system able to receive training in child development or child psychology? Are OMIs eligible for special endorsements for working with children? Our family certainly could have benefited from such cross-disciplinary expertise. We’ve just discovered the Modular Instruction book by Willoughby and Monthei and I was delighted to learn that Willoughby was a former elementary school teacher. I wish we had discovered the book years ago.

In any case, at home and in the community, Caroline’s use of the cane was a different story than at school. Picture us in a busy parking lot, Caroline standing outside the car door sans cane, insisting quite stridently that she will neither use her cane nor walk with an adult. In retrospect, I can see this as a young child’s yearning for independence--yearning desperately in fact--without the maturity to understand that independence requires skills and responsibility. Her desire to be independent (not to be quashed!) blossomed without the cognitive skills to understand that safe, responsible travel by a child in a very large parking lot requires either the use of the cane with supervision, or guidance from an adult. Her spirit wanted to be free (not holding hands with mom or dad) but her mind could not accept the limited choices--use your cane with someone nearby or hold our hands--that we (her parents) decided to give her in that circumstance.

This brings me to one side note, which is this question: Does every trip to the grocery store have to be a lesson in cane travel, orientation, or mobility? I feel guilty if I don’t give Caroline the opportunity to practice every chance we get, but sometimes I have to do what is best for me or for my family as a whole, not just what is best for my blind daughter. So, sometimes I leave her in the produce section to explore to her heart’s content while I go round up something for dinner. I do what I can to keep her safe, and I am guiltily relieved to not be there to see the looks of other customers or clerks as she handles all the unusual (or not so unusual) items. It is a decision that gives us both, parent and child, a little independence. She needs to know I trust her. Of course, sometimes she just stays in the car while I run in to get milk. I know, I know--Bad Mom.

Caroline and I went shoe shopping a few weeks ago. Like all the other times, I insisted she walk around the shoe department to try the shoes out. A few years ago, she was quite reluctant to do this. I could see the wheels turning in her mind: "Use a cane--stand out. Not use a cane--bump into shin-height display tables. Other kids around? I can’t see them, but I know they are staring at me." Even a little task like trying on shoes became fraught with significance. I would ask myself questions, too. Do I mention the cane? Do I just let her decide? If she doesn’t use it, do I let her bruise her shins or trip on open boxes, and learn her lesson the hard way? Why am I giving so much significance to every little thing in her life? I need therapy before we’ve even picked out what shoes to try on!

Our last shoe expedition, though, worked. We had to go to the grown-up shoe department because she’s growing so fast. There were fewer kids but more people and more obstacles, and it was in a busier part of the store. So, we get there and soon off she goes, trying her new shoes. Cane in hand, she avoids the pillars and the shin-killing shelves; she doesn’t quite avoid all the people, but that’s okay. We still get the looks--“Oh, that child is brave; oh, that parent is brave; oh, poor thing--look at her maneuvering around all the stuff on the floor.” They don’t realize it’s not about bravery. It does not take bravery to wander around a shoe department. This time, however, it did take a remarkable confluence of physical, social, and cognitive skills that we have journeyed long to find.

This year, Caroline has taken ownership of her cane, and we are so proud of her. Unfortunately, it resulted in a brouhaha with her OMI over what type of cane Caroline should use. Caroline decided she preferred the NFB-style cane, which is lighter, made of fiberglass, has a narrow round grip, and a metal tip. Her OMI insisted it was not safe. She wanted Caroline to use one of the other types of canes: the heavier aluminum cane, a folding cane, a cane with a golf grip, a cane with a plastic tip, a cane with a marshmallow tip—any cane but the NFB cane. Meetings had to be held and tempers flared. As parents, we were ecstatic that Caroline had decided to use any type of cane at all. As I told our friends, she could have chosen a telephone pole and I would have been happy. Our years of struggle, both public and private, to get her to take a cane and use it, had finally paid off! Instead of celebrating, her OMI refused to instruct her, indicating to us a lack of appreciation for what a blind child must go through to accept a cane in her life (I guess her OMI had never seen us in certain parking lots). With strong support from us, Caroline now has another OMI, one who has an open mind and who respects a blind kid’s feelings about using a cane. Things are working very well now.

I learned many things from reading Kenneth Jernigan’s article, “The Nature of Independence.” [That article is also reprinted in this issue.] One is that independence comes from knowledge and training, and from those come the power of choice. I think that OMIs, whether from within or outside the NFB, should respect the fact that there is no fixed prescription for independent mobility for any blind child. One child may need more or less time than mine to acquire the cognitive skills to understand what the cane is and how it can help him or her move independently. One child may be more or less sensitive than mine about balancing how the cane makes one different versus how it non-intuitively makes that child fit in. One family may be better able or less able than mine to find a good balancing point between the disciplined attitude that “every action has import--use the cane every day or you’ll never be independent” and a laissez-faire attitude of “hand the cane to the child and let her or him decide when to use it.”

Next year, Caroline will be going to junior high. She’ll have a big, complicated school to navigate. Thanks to a wonderful OMI, she is already learning the layout, not just routes but how to figure out for herself where she is. I am confident that she is discovering her own path to being an independent blind student who carries a cane.

Pat Renfranz is a new member on the board of the NOPBC and a leader in the Parents of Blind Children of Utah. She and her family live in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Editor’s Note: Pat raised an important question about the university training of O&M instructors. At least one program addresses the need of future instructors to have some knowledge about how children develop. The Louisiana Tech orientation and mobility degree program requires that students take a three-hour course in developmental aspects of blindness with a focus on child development. Students are taught the milestones for typically developing children, and how to use and adapt them as standards for O&M assessments and instruction. Contact information about this program is in the Resources section at the end of this issue.

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Top notch stuff, right!?! I love a good honest parent article and I love Pat!