I {Heart} Veterans

I loved walking to church this morning and seeing all the American flags on display. It
Helped rejuvenate my faith in patriotism (which I needed...maybe we all need).
My view on Veteran's Day has changed TREMENDOUSLY in the last few years! When

I first met GQ in September 2007; he told me he would be deployed 9 months later to Iraq.
I almost didn't continue dating him because I never wanted, intended, imagined EVER
dating someone in the military. It just didn't seem like a lifestyle I could handle.
But, unexpectedly I sort of started falling in love, big time. I wanted to walk away so badly
but I just couldn't; there was something super special about this guy.

We continued to date and GQ was indeed deployed in May of 2008 for one year to Iraq. it
was one of the hardest years of my life. I did NOT understand, by any means, the sacrifices
we were both going to have to face with a deployment. I was NOT well prepared and sort
of jumped into it head first without knowing how to swim. It was harder than I could ever
explain on this blog.

But it was even harder for him, and I failed to realize that at the time. I was not a good
support to him and struggled to figure out how to guide him through it all. I took my role
for granted. We both struggled.

GQ came home from Iraq and it took us quite a long time to mend our broken relationship
and for GQ to mend himself.

All of it was worth it! All of it, to get where we are today.

I'm so thankful I've had the opportunity to get to know more military families and their
struggles and triumphs. I have learned more through being an Army wife than anything
else I've done. Our lives revolve around the military and when they call, he goes. No matter
what plans there may be, it doesn't matter if the military calls, he goes. It's frustrating,
scary, disappointing and really difficult some days. BUT I know it has made our
relationship stronger and we have learned to cherish our time together.

GQ is getting deployed again next year and we are doing our best to be better prepared this
time around. I am going to try to do much better at being the best support I can be.

Right now, this country is in more turmoil than I have ever seen, in my short life. It scares
me, it worries me, it makes me wish more and more than somewhere we might find
common ground and be united as one. It's never, to me, felt more un-united, which is not
what so many have fought for.

I read something yesterday that called this generation the "lamest generation". When I saw
this tears instantly welled up in my eyes. Why? Because, it hurts me to think that's what
some think of our generation; I don’t see it this way, that our generation is lame, not in whole, we’ve done a lot of great things in my opinion.

I just wish the hatred would stop!

I cried last night after reading this because my emotions are very much on the surface
as I begin to plan for me, and all the families in our battalion to face life apart for a year. I have
a husband that by the time he is 33 will have spent 2 years of his life, overseas, trying to
make life better for the American people. No I don’t want sympathy I just hope for a little united patriotism is all.

I end with a simple thank you to all those who love this country, who fight for it, who support those that fight for it, who say thanks to a member of the military, who displays a flag in their
yard, who don’t have to be hateful to have an opinion (remember why you get to express it in the first place).

Thank you to all of you and to all Veteran’s and their families today, tomorrow and the
rest of the days.

God Bless America!

This is a picture of GQ punching a punching bag. This was taken for photo editorial about Veteran's today.

I'm Coming Home...

I have been wanting to blog about this for months now, I think about it often but every time I sit down to write about my experience I come up empty.

Two years and one month ago, my now husband came back from his deployment to Iraq. Exactly two years ago today he drove to Utah to see me.

I had no clue what was going to happen because WE had pretty much fallen very much apart during his deployment. It was a difficult time for both of us, and that's a huge understatement. In fact at this point two years ago we were broken up, barely talking, living hundreds of miles apart and pretty much living our separate lives. I don't believe it's how either of us really wanted it to be.

It was a difficult time for us as a couple and a more difficult time for him. I won't try to explain what he was dealing with because only he really knows and only he would be able to share his experience. For me however,  I was feeling about everything, pain, loss, rejection, fear, heartache...and on and on. But I was also feeling a lot of strength and had done some serious emotional strength building.

GQ had promised me he would come visit me when he got back, before he ever left, so like always, he insisted on keeping that promise. And truthfully I wasn't so sure he should come. I had finally taken massive steps to move forward and I didn't want anyone or anything to pull me off of my path.

In a ginormous leap of faith I told him he could come. He was very hesitant too, it was a leap for both of us.

I remember waiting for him to get to my apartment and literally praying for a good solid hour that somehow, someway, God would get me through this. Neither of us had any idea of how we would react when we saw each other. I'm pretty sure I threw up a couple of times because I was so nervous. I had to put my faith to work and trust that I would be guided. I also had recently learned I was strong and felt more ready than ever to handle whatever came my way.

When GQ finally got to my house (he drove from Louisiana) I helped him grab his bags, we shared a real brief "Hello" and we walked up to my apartment. We both sat on opposite sides of the room for several minutes saying nothing to each other. It was perhaps the most awkward I've ever felt. How strange to be sitting across from someone you've missed so much and have nothing to say to each other!?!

We talked about his drive for a minute or so...

Then we both kind of looked at each other and ran to give each other the biggest hug. It was a moment I won't forget. We hugged for quite a while, just held each other. From that moment on we began to slowly rebuild our relationship. We still had a lot of mending to do and such a long journey ahead of us.

I have a new found respect for military families. What a hurricane of emotions one goes through, on both sides of the world, during that period of separation. It was a time I hope to never have to repeat, although most likely I'll have to. However, GQ and I's love reached a whole new level post deployment. In my wedding vows I said that during that deployment I never thought we'd ever be able to be like we were before, and we never wore, everything got better and stronger.

It was interesting that I was thinking about writing this post for sometime now. For those who know me, during the summer I am all about So You Think You Can Dance, the only TV show I am committed to all year. Well a few weeks ago, while visiting Utah, GQ and I were watching this show and there was a routine on there that said EVERYTHING I wanted to say in less than 2 minutes.

It hit both of us hard we were basically sobbing by the end of it, our story was flashing across the screen for millions to see. But it's not just our story, it's the story of too many.  I often find music and dancing to explain far better than I can with words, how I am feeling. This was pretty much the best example of this I have every experiences. Please take just a few minutes to watch this piece all the way through, so I can share with you my experience. You won't regret it.



I share this story only because I know of too many people going through this same story. The pain of a deployment is not really measurable for me, or for GQ. In fact in any relationship we reach a point where we have to dig deep and decide if it's worth fighting for. It's the toughest decision some of us will ever make. It's a dark time and a scary time but let me tell you this, when you finally get through it, even if you barely survive it, it's magic.

I am so glad I got to be a part of my husband's life during his deployment. I was far from a good support system to him but I treasure the things it taught me. Rough patches will come, they will, trust me. But it's fun to be able to stand up after it and find you've reached a whole new level.

I got a fairytale love in the end, but it hasn't always been this way. It took a lot of stripped away and polishing to get here.

A Moment in my Sneakers...

I never, in my wildest dreams, would have thought I'd date and then marry a man in the military. We have already been through GQ's first deployment, and it really was one of the hardest things I've EVER been through and the harsh reality is, I probably will have to go through it again.

Last night, I got a unique opportunity to go with 1st Lieutenant GQ to the airport to see two of his soldiers return from Iraq. As we made the long drive to the airport I couldn't help but think back to GQ's deployment, so many ups and downs and really hard days!

When we arrived at the airport GQ welcomed the returning soldiers home  while I had the joy of standing in the background watching it all unfold. One soldier has two little kids around 4 and 7 if I had to guess, they were just so ecstatic to see their daddy come home! It was such a sweet moment for these two soldiers and their families; I really felt blessed to be standing there taking it all in.

As I stood there and watched I couldn't help but think that this could be me someday, with our kids, waiting for daddy to get back from war. It was the most overwhelming sensation and I fought super hard to control the emotions that were swelled up inside me. My heart was racing, my eyes welling up, it was a moment I won't ever forget. Possibly a little glimpse into our future...

I waited until I was in the car to have a good cry. I have developed a whole new love and respect for military members and their families, active duty, reserve, national guard, all of them! It is by no stretch of the imagination an easy life to live. You never know from one second to the next if your life is about to be turned upside down. You dread when your significant other gets a phone call from the military. You hold you breath when they return from a weekend of battle assembly just praying the "D" word (deployment) was never mentioned. Life as you know it can be flipped upside down at any moment.

The hardest part is just forcing yourself to live everyday without trying to think about the D word possibility. You try to live life like anyone else would, but it's always in the back of your mind.

I pray for the two soldiers who returned, I've seen first hand the effects of Iraq, the stains it leaves the pain-staking recovery that has to take place. I pray for the their families that they will know how to love and support them and that they themselves will take time to heal and re-assemble their lives.

Please, pray for them too.

I came across these two videos sometime back. Please Watch, be prepared they're quite emotional...


Are you crying yet?

No greater love...

The Asphalt Blues

Phew...
I must admit I feel a lot better about going private!

Why, you ask? Cause I feel like now I can be a bit more "Real" shall we say! Whether "Real" is good for the reader or not!?! I can't tell ya! You may have to grin and bare it for a bit while I got my "Mid-Life Crisis"!
I know, I'm only 25 (26 in four days) but I am FREAKING OUT about my upcoming day-of-birth celebration, cause, well, not exactly where I thought I'd be at the quarter life milestone.

But let me say right now, this blog will not become Sob Fest 2009, promise...ok, I can't promise that all the posts will be cheery and jubilant but I will make a hearty effort, at least a B effort (always aim for mediocre)!

On that note...the next couple/few posts may be slightly Sob Fest-esk, but the tides will turn my friends, so bare with it. Remember, you asked for it...you didn't know what you were getting into, did ya!?!

Life has been filled with blessings galore for me, I realize I'm a lucky broad and through all the blessings...I've hit a few bumps...heeping huge, more like mountain-esk mounds of dirt...but we shall call them bumps.

Recently, I have felt like I've been driving, I mean walking, down this road (I know you're thinking, not the road metaphor again...everyone uses that but cut me some slack the creativity isn't seaping right now...anyway back to walking...) and I'm FINALLY am at nearly a skipping pace, maybe even a slight jog, when I hit this freaking massive bump and fall flat on my face (that was the climax...did ya catch that?)

So now, I'm flat faced on the assphalt, staring at the little grey pebbles wondering, why am I here and why am laying here, on my face not moving analyzing the pebbles and not getting up!?!

Why I can't I just get up, brush myself off and walk on, I don't know. It was only a bump so how did the fall hurt so badly? Why can't I move? Didn't I learn before to not skip in case I might trip or maybe when I skip, I should plan on tripping!?! But I've been here, face down on the asphault before.

For you guys, this probably sounds pretty vague, cause I'm good at vague, but I will be elaborating more on this subject soon (I bet your iching with excitement, yeah, more "road of life" talk...woopee!) But I will say this now...

I have so much going on in my life right now that is great, fabulous, thrilling really!?! But I had to let something (that's code for someone) go this last week that I truly fell head-over-my-favorite-pink-heels for and the pain sets in...

I have had three "Great Loves" in my life, the first I feared all along I would lose, the second I thought I'd found my happily ever after and the third...well that's you chocolate and you never have to worry about us seperating, C&D forever!

This 2nd "Great Love" though is fresh on my mind because I'm still crazy in love (still not as much as you Chocolate--don't you worry) with this #2 (since I kinda feel bad calling "it" a number we will call "it" GQ)!

I lay here and just wish I could turn it off, I wish I could get up and look around and see that I have everything I've dreamed off...but there's always this, "Except for him!"

I fell super hard (not on the asphalt...I'm talking for real now...you with me?), harder than I wanted to, I tried to stop the falling hard thing but I dun did it and fell. And now little, "I'm never gonna fall in love again," Deja is in love and alone in that love!

But she's tough right...that Deja chick, she's tough and she'll get off the asphalt soon (now back to the mataphor), cause she's a tough broad!?!

Asphalt staring may be her/my pastime for now until she can pick herself up and kick that bump to the curb!
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I realize not the most cheery post and some of you may be thinking, "What the heck did I sign up for?" But this is what Deja...ok Deja's me...there the cat's out of the bag....needs right now, a place to come and talk about staring at asphalt!

Thanks for listening!

*All checks (for this and furture therapy sessions) can be mailed to 7894 Asphalt Way.