Infertility: The Tiny Army Hat

Have you ever just known you were on the verge of breaking down (into tears, screaming, yelling, whatever it may be...); walking around feeling like a ticking time bomb? I have felt this ticking for a few days, just not knowing what or when I was going to finally break but knowing I would have to eventually.

It's like those tubes of cinnamon rolls where you peel the paper away and wait for it to pop out of the cardboard. No matter how much you mentally prepare yourself for the "pop" you jump EVERY SINGLE TIME. I knew my emotional breakdown was coming...

Of all places in the entire universe it happened in a Spencer's gift store...

when I found this teeny, tiny Army beanie hat for a newborn baby. The second I touched it and looked at it, I broke; I fell into tears right there in Spencer's gifts (how convenient). Luckily my mom and my dear friend visiting from Mississippi were with me and they just let me cry...let me walk to the back of the dark store and cry alone for a minute.

Maybe it's the anticipation of the new year and the new campaign to make this our year for baby. Maybe it's just the holidays. Maybe its the fact that everything feels more real than ever before. Maybe it's the generosity of others who have already reached out to us. Whatever it is, everything has built up inside me and it felt so good to cry...so good (even if it was at the mall).

I want to share our journey this year, every piece of it, because maybe it will help someone else someday and maybe it will serve as a way for me to remember this journey. This is the craziest roller coaster ride of our lives and every emotion possible comes to the surface.

I'm glad I cried today, really, really glad. And I'm also glad that just two minutes later the three of us were laughing so hard we could hardly stand up. I'm just going to take it all in, every crazy up and down...all of it!

Thanks for sharing this journey with us & a HUGE thank you to each of you who have already contributed to our fund in the first 24 hours since its launch!

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