I need to write today, really need to write...it's my therapy (until I get settled and actually find a therapist you people will have to deal with it).
I am not too afraid of many words. There are a few, but not many that send a shiver down my spine.
Two weeks ago I heard one of those words that really, really freak me out. The D Word.
We found out that GQ is getting deployed. Again.
(Just writing it makes me a little nausious.)
Military wives/husbands understand everything this word entails. I went through one deployment with GQ when we first started dating and I did NOT handle it well.
Besides cancer, there isn't a single word I know that causes an instant lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Now I'm not comparing a deployment to cancer, I know the second is far worse. But both words are painful for me.
We have some time to prepare, he won't be deployed until later in 2013 but for some reason that doesn't give me great comfort. For those who understand you know it's there, you know it's looming. Every plan you make now involves thinking about "it". You know its there and you try to ignore it for the time being but it's there, always.
I have hope though that this time it will be different. We have a plan this time to prepare him and prepare me for what's to come. I learned hard lessons the first time and learned new coping mechanisms. I just want, this time, to be the most supportive and helpful wife I can be to him. I have big plans to help me, and other spouses, to be the best we can be at home for our solider. My hardships during GQ's last deployment were because I wasn't prepared.
I hear all the time, "I don't know how you do it, I could never do it." The truth is you could and you would do it if you had to.
I am more and more thankful everyday for good friends and family that sustain me, sustain us.
And so thankful for my sweet, wonderful husband who is my strength.
God makes me laugh sometimes. Just when I think I have the next chapter figured out, He changes things up. But he's a good author, he knows what he's doing.
I found a fun book that I am starting on this week.
"Let your past make you better not bitter."